Ahhh, the Days Before Children

I love my kids, and anyone who has been around here for more than 30 seconds knows that, but boy are there some days where I miss the child-free life. There are somethings that I have realized over the last 4 and half years that I really took for granted; things that are not all that obvious and are certainly unexpected. I'm sure some mom, somewhere, has realized this before, so it would've been nice for a little heads up. Thanks for nothing.

I'm not talking about the "duh" stuff, like how sometimes I miss being able to go out and get shitty and not worry about having to perform motherly duties with a wicked hangover, or being able to splurge on a Coach bag instead of buying diapers and food and crap. No, I'm talking about simple things that I really never knew would go bye-bye. I dream of a child-free (dare I include husband-free) vacation night at a hotel 2 hours to myself so that I can once again pee in private, or shower with the door closed and have not one single interruption, or change a tampon without a damn audience. Seriously, is it just boys or are all children obsessed with what Mommy is doing in the bathroom? I really don't ask for much, just a few minutes a day to do my business and do it alone. Is that so much to ask?

And to all those moms before me, when you were giving me all your "seasoned mom" completely useless advice when I was pregnant with Bug, why couldn't you have included something like, "be sure to have bathroom with a door that locks properly" in your repertoire? Or perhaps a tidbit about how little boys are amazed that you sit down to pee. Something that could have actually prepared for motherhood. Really, thanks for nothing! And boys, knock first! Unless you want an anatomy lessen that you are way too young for.