Monday, December 22, 2008

It is Politically Incorrect to be Normal

My sister-in-law is having a baby, and having done this before myself I decided to get her some of the humorous and entertaining pregnancy books that I enjoyed while I was pregnant. Apparently, those books no longer exist. There are no longer books for normal women with normal pregnancies.

I went to a bookstore in search of said books, but what I found instead awoke my short temper. There were several pregnancy journals, but no one actually fills those out. I found the "Mocha Journal" only good for black pregnant women (which is useless to my sister-in-law) and 3 books on the vegetarian pregnancy. One book gave advice on how to become a single mother! I believe it was even called "How to Knock Yourself Up". What the fuck? I hope that nobody pays $29.95 to learn how to get shitfaced at a bar and go home with some random and have unprotected sex. That kind of advice should come free of charge. There were a handful of books on what you should eat every single day and books about how to deliver without an epidural (which I would not suggest). There was also a book called "Hypno-labor" which I stared at for several minutes before I could bring myself to look away. Hypno-labor? Are woman so afraid of western medicine or the pain of labor that they get hypnotized before hand? I chose not to buy that one. There were even books for the almost-dad, but that was all I could find. No books like "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" or "Belly Laughs", just books for hippies and new dads.

What was worse were the child-rearing books. I made my way into that section hoping to stumble across a misplaced pregnancy book, but instead I found 4 books on kids with Autism, close to 100 books on parents that are getting divorced, and a book called "I Have 2 Mommies". There are books with thousands of pages that talk only about breastfeeding and its benefits. Do you need a novel to tell you that the "breast is the best"? I wrote a 12 page paper on all of the benefits/drawbacks of breastfeeding or not, and trust me, it was just as informative. If you ever find yourself almost buying one of these breastfeeding novels, give me a call. I'll email you the paper.

I understand that there are people out there with less than desirable situations, or maybe they are perfectly desirable they are just not what everyone chooses. But what about me, and my soon-to-be-a-mom sister-in-law? What about those of us who are married and just having a baby for the 1st time? Do we not need advice? Do we not need a helping hand? Are we not allowed to be pregnant because we eat meat? It would also appear that it is a problem that some of us just have healthy kids. Do I not need advice on discipline because my children do not have autism or colic or blood problems? Or how about those child-rearing books? I guess those of us women with husbands don't need help, but should we ever decide to divorce our husbands and marry a woman we will have all the help in the world. Maybe I'll write a book: If you are not a Lesbian or a Vegitarian you are no Longer Permitted to Have Children. Sorry. I think it'll be a bestseller.

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