Friday, August 14, 2009

To My Ryderbug On What Is Likely To Be Your Last Day of Only-Child-Hood

It's amazing, really. They say kids grow up so fast, and whoever "they" are sure do know what they are talking about! 4 years ago I was painting what was going to be your bedroom yellow. That's a lie, even at 3 1/2 I'm sure you know that Daddy painted your room while I sat on the couch and watched HGTV. Everything was so unknown. We didn't even know that you were a boy yet. I have to admit, I really wanted a little girl. I was even a little sad when I found out you were a boy, because I had never been around boys and I just wasn't sure I'd be a good mom to a little boy. Little did I know that after you were born, I'd never feel that way again. You were so sweet (and you still are...most of the time). Every thing you do has BOY written all over it, and I love all of it. Because of you, I'll be ok if I never have a little girl. Boys are just too much fun!

"They" also say that love for a child is instant. What "they" never told me is that I had more love to give than I knew was possible. Everyday I love you more and more. Everyday it hurts worse to think about losing you or what my life would be like without you. I hate having to leave you in someone else's care, and I already dread the day that you go to real school, or on your 1st date (I won't like her, it doesn't matter how wonderful she is. So don't expect much!) or [gasp] go off to college. I won't even touch on your wedding day yet! I know that you will be an amazing person, and I can only hope that I am smart enough to give you all of the tools you will need to be whatever you want to be. It never ceases to amaze me just how smart you are, and yes, sometimes it is too smart! From the hilarious things that come out of your mouth to your ability to reason long before you are supposed to have it, I treasure every thought that you have. It isn't just that I had more love than I knew I had, what I've realized since you were born is that I had no idea what love even was. I know I'm the mom, and I should be teaching you, but I think I've learned more from you than I could ever teach.

The next step is going to be hard on you, and I truly understand that. You won't be the only kid in the house. You'll have to share everything, including me and Daddy. We don't expect you to be the best at this, not yet anyway. But we do expect you to be the best big brother in the world, and why wouldn't you be? You are sweet and caring and so very loving, so while I know this will be hard at first, I also know that it won't take long for you to adjust to your new role. I want you to know that even though we are bringing a little brother home doesn't mean we are going to love you any less. Amazing as it may sound, we have enough love to go around. You are so amazing/wonderful/beautiful/smart and we will always love you as much as we do now and then some.

I hope you can learn to forgive us for flipping your little world completely upside down, hell, maybe someday you will even thank us for giving you a best friend! You truly do make everything in life more beautiful and it is because of you that Daddy and I wanted another little boy. I hope that someday, when you are awaiting the arrival of your 2nd child maybe, you will understand just how I feel right now; full of love and happiness and pure joy, and anxious for the next exciting chapter to begin. Never stop being you. Be wonderful forever. I love you!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Such a touching blog! I am so proud of you Annie, for what that's worth. I am amazed at the things that you write about because I didn't know you were such a good writer. This blog is especially wonderful. Maybe because I am a new Mom and can share in some of your world now...
I am excited we get to be Aunts to each others children and I am excited for the time we will spend together.
Love, Leslie