Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Dark Side of Pregnancy

Anyone who has had the joy of going through pregnancy knows that will all of the little miracles come some downsides. A few weeks ago I asked readers to answer this question for me: What happened during your pregnancy that made you say "what the eff?? Is this supposed to happen? WHEN did this happen?? This is NOT what I signed up for!"? and the response has been great, and very entertaining. Here are some of the answers I received. I'll post my own revelations in a separate post.  I left out the names of those who submitted these answers, just in case they don't want the world to know! The comments in white are my thoughts on each of the, um, side effects.

-When I was overly pregnant with my twinies: we were driving up from Denver and all of the sudden my nipples started leaking this weirdly yellow substance! They wouldn't stop! I was only 4 months along! We were on rabbit ears pass without service. I thought something was wrong! It wasn't. It was totally normal. Unexpected, gross, but normal boobie secretion. Eww. Eww indeed. I got several responses on boobs in general, why do they have to be such a pain in the ass?

- mine was when my belly button popped out, I knew it would happen but I thought it would be gradually.. instead I woke up one morning and it was an out. lol - ya' know what's weirder? I didn't have that the 1st 2 times around, but for some reason, 6 weeks to go with # 3 and Pop! And then it went back in. 

- When I was 19 with my first I was shopping with my mom and grandma and I sneezed and peed my pants. My grandma laughed and laughed and told me "welcome to motherhood honey" - LOL! Grandmas have such great and random things to say!

- spidey-smell. I could smell the freezer open across the yard. Then I would puke. The thought actually made me want to puke just now.

- Umm, what the eff? When did my boobs start leaking??? See, reoccurring theme. How about how they hurt like hell and sprout hair? Yeah, no one ever mentioned that.

- nothing is worse than uncontrollable gas! As in, "I'm sitting in my office at work, and yup, just ripped a loud one ... with absolutely no effort or control on my part." Of course, the giggling that leads to a rip, which makes you laugh harder, with further pursuing rips, is the never ending round of pregnant hilarity. And definitely embarrassment I did NOT sign up for! - I really did laugh out loud at this one! And well, you know what happened next.

- Cankles! (where you can't tell where your calves end and ankles start) with my daughter I never got them this time I am 34 weeks and got them like 5 weeks ago! - because pregnancy is already so pretty, let's throw in a few bodily changes that will make us feel worse about ourselves!

- Dark giant nipples(often super sore-but only for my 1st pregnancy) - again with the boobs!

Stretch marks on my ass - or how about everywhere else! One day I had no stretch marks, then the next day Charming Husband says to me "WHY IS THERE RED MARKER ALL OVER YOUR STOMACH???" I'm glad you care, dear, but those are stretch marks. No reason to be alarmed. And no reason to bring them up ever again. Ass. And while we are on the subject, there is no preventing those heinous lines! No creams or lotions will stop them from showing up. They are hereditary; if your mom got 'em, you'll get 'em. Thanks Mom.

Not being able to walk because of a condition called Pubic syphosis (sp) this is when Progesterone is flowing lucritively and makes your hips and pubic bone very "loose" and causes pain-and along with this-a baby sitting so low it felt literally like a bowling ball in my crotch - Um, ouch? This was a brand new condition to me. I've had a some pain in that general region but I don't think it is nearly as bad as what this friend went through, yikes! "Bowling ball in my crotch" can never be a good thing.

I (being a young silly 16 year old) didn't realize your placenta is the after-birth and comes out. I freaked thinking I was losing my badder and would never pee again! Yes I even cried to the docs (once I got to the hospital) saying I will never pee again. Love emotions and how they make you go crazy at times! - I never saw my placenta, with good reason. If I wasn't expecting it, but then I witnessed it, I would have freaked out too! That shit's gross, even when you know it is supposed to come out of you.

-My oldest was 3 weeks late...I thought I had a tumor! I went a full 42 weeks and they finally induced me, broke my water etc. ....Turns out, I had a double lined amniotic bag and nothing was gonna force that baby out. They had me on the largest dose of inducing drugs which really rocked my world, after the water broke. Then he came so fast I ripped from here to there and got about 150 stitches-Ouch! Oh, and the local anesthetic wore off during the stitching and I could feel every needle and thread moment-Ugh....Welcome to Natural birthing in the early 1980's. - Ah yes, the ripping. and the stitches. And the extra long pregnancy. All things I remember dearly. All I can say is, thank God for the epidural!

1 comment:

Eschelle said...

ROFL!!! i remember misplacing my crotch and feet for a few months there...