Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Get Out of My Uterus

My position on all things religious, political, and "controversial" is this: If it doesn't affect me, I just plain don't give a shit. I don't waste time caring about what other people say and do. I don't campaign for people to change their minds about anything whether it be circumcision, church, or abortion. Your opinions are your own, and I assume you have your reasons for them. Because this has been my stance for so long, nothing bothers me more than people who try and force their opinions and their beliefs on me because they differ from theirs. It's one thing to simply share your opinion, because you are always entitled to do so, it is quite another to tell me I am doing something wrong just because it differs from the way you chose to do things.

Since I am pregnant, the main thing irking me these days is the c-section debate. Here's the thing, you have your own uterus, so how 'bout you just worry about that one and ignore mine altogether. I am sick of woman (thankfully, I have yet to run into a man who has brought up his opinion on c-sections; those men should be equally as thankful that they have yet to meet me as well -- no uterus, no opinion.) I am sick of women who spend so much time "educating" all us stupid moms on the "risks" of c-sections. Don't you have a newborn? Shouldn't you be paying attention to all the children you bore naturally in a bathtub with Enya playing in the background? I'm glad that worked for you, I however, have zero interest in a) not having immediate access to medical attention b) no drugs (don't even get me started on that argument!) and c) cleaning up that mess afterward. For me, childbirth is not one tiny bit about me or my experience. I have never wasted a moment of my life planning what the perfect experience would be. Each time I have had but 1 concern: get my baby here, and get him here safely. If that means that he needs to get out of his comfy womb as quickly as possible, and that means via c-section, so be it. A living, breathing baby is infinitely more important than having the "perfect" childbirth experience. No one will ever convince me otherwise. No amount of facts and statistics and made-up data will ever change my mind on that. I understand that some women are coerced into c-sections by the doctors for varying reasons that may or may be legitimate, but that isn't the only reason women have c-sections. I shouldn't be berated for my choice just because some women can't stand up for themselves. I have had 1 child each way and the experience was no less euphoric with one or the other. My 1st caused a lot of damage being born vaginally and quite frankly I never want to have to endure that pain again. My 2nd couldn't handle mild contractions and stopped breathing; my only thought was to get him out and put him in my arms, and my doctor did that quickly with a c-section. Seeing her lift my boy over the sheet brought a relief I was so afraid I wouldn't get. He was alive and well, and breathing beautifully. All 10 lbs 3 oz of him. If his brother did so much damage at a pound smaller, I doubt this one would have been any easier.

What all of this boils down to is that all women are different. Some women labor for 2 hours and suddenly give birth with absolutely no problems. Others labor for 36 hours just to wind up with an emergency c-section because they simply do not have the energy to go on. Many of us fall somewhere in between. If you want to deliver your baby in the comfort of your own home I think you should do that, and you should have the right to do that. But why do you care if I choose not to? Why must you continue to push the no-cesarean way down my throat? Yes, I know what a VBAC is, yes my doctor has offered, no I'm not dumb enough to go for it. Speaking from experience, I prefer the c-section. Don't tell me what is best for me, my body, and my baby. For the love of God, do NOT preach to me about how mother's intuition will guide me through a naturally delivery. My mother's intuition is the very reason my son was born alive. I knew he couldn't handle a vaginal delivery so I didn't waste time trying for it just so I could get what I wanted. It is really nobody's damn business why I chose to have a c-section last time or why I am choosing to have one again this time. I have defended my side here, but I shouldn't have to. If I say that's what I chose, that's that. Let it go. Go home and call all your little "all-natural" friends and talk about what a horrible person and mother I am. That's fine. But you sure as shit better not tell me I made the wrong decision, unless you want to be publicly humiliated. I have never given a single thought to your uterus and what you choose to do with it, so I am only asking that you show me the same respect and keep your nose out of mine.


Ty Jenkins said...

I have no quams with your decision! You know what's best for you.

I do get frustrated when I hear women say "I don't want to go through the birth part" cause yes, cesareans are a major medical procedure, and then they bitch and cry when they didn't realize what kind of rehab it takes to recover.

but you have done both and I support your choice.

However, as a woman who has had a kick ass natural home birth-the high is worth sharing, which is why we are so "natural" we want all women to be as empowered and love their experience as we do. Sometimes we get passionate, and yes sometimes angry.

I got dissed for my choice, and ultimately I don't give a fuck too!

I think you found what works for you. lol!!

Annie D said...

That's kind of my point though. It shouldn't matter if I had a legitimate medical reason for a c-section or I just plain wanted to do it. It is MY choice regardless of the reasons and my decision does not effect anyone else. It's unfortunate that people dissed you on your choice to have a home birth because this argument goes both ways. It is nobody's damn business how anyone else chooses to birth their baby. I understand that people get passionate about causes, but when that passion gets passed along to me in the form of anger or preaching I lose all patience for their cause. Much like how I feel about people who preach from street corners or the Jehovah's Witness missionaries that knock on my door to try and save me. They are passionate about what they believe in and they want to share it, unfortunately I don't want to hear one bit of it.

And if new moms want to bitch and cry after their c-section because it was worse than they were expecting, let 'em. It was their decision and they can live with it.

Anonymous said...

Amen. Reading your post has calmed me down. I was just about to make a shirt with iron on decals that read: Yes, I'm having a c-section. No, I'm not a coward. My son was delivered via crash c-section at 31 weeks. I'm down with this pregnancy and all future pregnancies being sections...my son is alive. Furthermore, I'll be damn skippy if I risk a uterine rupture and leave him and my subsequent kids motherless. Oh, and by the way - even if it was elective - what does it matter to you? Is my uterus that valuable to your daily existance?

Annie D said...

Ok, if you make those shirts anyway, PLEASE send me one!! I just don't understand why anyone cares what I do with my body!

I'm glad my post calmed you down, it usually has the opposite effect :)

Elie G said...

WOW Annie, your kids were big babies!! I've jsut had one baby, she was over 8 lb and that took a huge toll on my body.
Thank God I was in the hospital where the baby's distress was closely monitored. There were plenty of moments where I wasnt even sure if I could continue through it and if my baby would be forever stuck. I wish I could be one of those women who had uncomplicated home deliveries with no meds, I really do, but I wasn't . Rather than empowered, I felt more vulnerable than EVER, and trust me I am a fighter in life. But this was larger than me or anything I've ever faced.
Birth is different for us all. You do what is best for both you and baby's life. That's all that matters. My next baby, I will surely be wary of his/her size and make decisions accordingly, if C-section is safer, then we do that in a heartbeat. Thanks for sharing Annie, Cheers !

Michelle said...

Since the start I made the choice to do a vaginal delivery in the hospital and nearly immediately I received comments and very unwanted advice to read this book by this midwife and to look into home birth etc. I knew it wasn't for me. And I have not ruled out a C-Section if it comes down to it. I do not understand how anyone can have a say on someone elses body and their choices with it, but it goes back to the fact that the government seems to think they can have a say, so everyone else thinks so too.
I commend your decision, and I agree that the ONLY thing that should matter at that time is not the mother's wants for a great experience... it should be about getting that baby here alive and healthy and making sure mom is ok. As my pregnancy progresses, I can only imagine the advice I have yet to receive ... I'll direct them this way if I do!

Caitlin said...

Just stumbled across your blog for the first time. I agree with your point of view. I don't understand at all why mothers get so incredibly judgemental about childbirth. At the end of the day most of us just want the best for our babies. Although, oh my gosh, I so agree, sometimes the 'natural Mum's' are all about their own experience, which is rather ironic that they frown so fiercly at mother's who are just trying to think of their child's safety first. I've had two vaginal deliveries, just because I could, but the 2nd kid did some damage, so I was seriously contemplating a ceasar if I was to get pregnant again. As it turns out I did get pregnant again, with triplets, so there's no way I'm pushing three of them out when you can't regulate whether all of them are in distress or not. Even still the "natural mother's" frown when they hear the "C" word. At least they know better than to say anything though...