Monday, June 29, 2009

What "Real Moms" Should Be

Turns out I am not a "Real Mom". I should really stay further away from the internet because really, all it does is infuriate me. I always stumble across mommy blogs or websites for mommies and I always stay and browse for a while. I also always end up wanting to throw my computer across the room, or better yet, at some stupid "Real Mom" on the website. God, that would feel so good.

One of the websites I frequently find myself on is toddlermag.com (same as newparent.com). Recently they had an article on epidurals and the possible side effects, etc. One stupid commenter actually said this (please remember this is a quote, the grammar errors are not mine!) "take it like a real women and don’t get an epidural… I was 19 and decided to have a natural birth it was tough but worth it. almost all the moms I know that got an epidural have back problems now so i’m glad I didn’t get it…" Ok, 1st of all, I have never heard of any mom having back problems from an epidural. My mom had her 1st one 28 years ago and to this day has had no back problems. Of course, sites like these don't require any kind of education in order to make comments. 2nd of all "take it like a real women"? Oh ok, so because I had an epidural, I am no longer a "real woman", even though I have all the necessary parts and they seem to be in working order. My pregnancies must be a medical phenomenon considering the fact that I am not a "real woman". Maybe you and your wimpy little 7lb baby could handle drugless delivery just fine. I'd like to see you singing the same tune when you shove an almost 9 1/2lb baby out with no drugs. Or do "real women" also have tiny babies? Utter bullshit. It isn't about threshold for pain either. I have one of the highest thresholds ever, but why would I put myself through that much pain for no reason? The risks are so low with an epidural, why not get it? The last time I went to the dentist he numbed my mouth before cleaning my teeth. People just don’t do things without medication anymore. You can go on and on about how women have been giving birth for centuries without the epidural, but that is hardly a valid argument. People also used travel in covered wagons and eat non-refrigerated meat because it was the only option. I'd be willing to bet that if you went back 100 years and offered pregnant moms a less painful delivery not a single one would turn it down. They were just trying to have a baby; they weren't trying to prove anything. Just because you don't get an epidural doesn't make you any more of a woman or any better of a mom. It is a choice. Get off your fucking high horse and give me my goddamn drugs!

On this same website a few days later was an article about stay at home dads and if more dads should stay home. Sure, why the hell not? If dad wants to stay home with the kids, and it is financially feasible, then he should do it. The same goes for mom. If either WANTS to and is ABLE, then that parent SHOULD do it. But if neither parent WANTS to or is ABLE then they SHOULD NOT do it. Apparently I am the only mom who visits this website who feels this way. The other moms who commented sounded like they lived in the '30s. "I think that it is the mother's responsibility to stay home, and ALL moms should do it and dad NEVER should". Seriously? Am I in a time warp? I have always known that I would not be a stay at home mom. I've never wanted to be. I love my children with all my heart, and I am a great mom. I don't need to stay home with them in order to be those things. I want to work. I want to have a career. I want a part of the world that doesn't revolve around diapers and what to make for dinner. My husband is right on track with me here too. To quote him, "You are way too smart to sit at home all day. It would be a waste". Thanks babe. Not that raising children is a waste, but it is possible to work and raise children at the same time. While I feel the same way about my husband and his intelligence, he would be perfectly content to stay home if we could afford it. Not because he is dumber than me or less valuable in the work place, but because he would enjoy it. He doesn't love to work. He does it because he has to. If we suddenly won the lottery he would never work another day in his life. He would play golf, hunt, and dirt bike every day and take his boys with him. I on the other hand would start at least 3 of the businesses that I have always wanted to run. So I guess that makes me a "fake mom" and him.... well I don't know. I guess I should ask the "real moms" of the world what he would be, since they seem to be all knowing.

As far as I can tell, "Real Moms" do the following:
Quit their jobs and stay home
Decline the use of an epidural during delivery
Feed their children all-organic food (I avoided this topic because there is only one word I can think of to describe how I feel -- stupid)
breastfeed
breastfeed until their child is old enough to drive a car
divorce all of their friends who do not have children
move to the suburbs
Quit drinking any kind of alcohol
Quit having fun that doesn't involve your children
Give birth in a bathtub in your home

Ok, so I breastfed. Does that make me 10% "Real Mom"?

I am sick and fucking tired of moms spewing their bullshit about what the right thing is for "Real moms" to do. What is right for you and your child isn't necessarily right for me and mine. Neither of us is wrong, we are just different. Our children will grow up to be different people. If we all raised our kids the same exact way and lived our lives the same exact way there would be no variety in our world. I am happy with the decisions that I have made because they suited me and my family. Don't assume that you are more "real" or are a better mom because my decisions were different than yours. Mind your own fucking business. I'll be over here with my wine glass and processed food when you decide to sink to my level.

1 comment:

Lauren said...

I am a 0% real mom ;) I agree with everything you have to say! Each mom can be a mom however they want to be a mom and don't need the idiots on the internet telling them what they should do. Get over yourselves, people! I completely stopped reading all those things because of the anger factor. It makes me want to hit people I don't even know!