Letter of Resignation

I'm sorry life, but I quit.

Perhaps an explanation is in order. Here is how my day started. Around 4 something this morning the Little Guy started fussing. And he kept fussing. Every 15 minutes or so. He seems to be getting sick so he is having a hard time breathing, hence waking up fussy. As the mama of a tiny baby for the 2nd time, I am used to this, but I still started the day very tired. Then, naturally, Bug refused to get out of bed. Finally, after threats of toys in the trash can and a phone call to daddy, he finally got out of bed, and stood in his room refusing to get dressed. And screaming. Can I just tell you how awesome a screaming 3-year-old is at 7:30 in the morning when you are trying to get out of the house is? Trust me, totally awesome. Finally, after more threats and toys almost in the trash and more screaming, he got dressed. I decided to go start my car, as I do every morning, and let the dogs out one last time. As I sat on the couch to put my shoes on, Dr. Seuss (Charming Husband's shit for brains Charming Dog) stood next to me. And pooed. On my brand new rug. Did I mention I was putting my shoes on so I could TAKE HER OUTSIDE!! Poo. ON MY RUG! 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. If only it had stopped there. I gagged my way through cleaning up as much as I could, then I went to put the Little Guy in his car seat. Speaking of shit, somebody else pooped through their diaper and needed a new one. and a new outfit. 10 minutes after I was supposed to leave the house. To top everything off, I start back to school tonight. Running on no sleep and possible smelling like poo, I have to go pretend to pay attention to a math teacher for 2 hours.

In conclusion, life, I hereby hand you my letter of resignation. I am no longer fit to handle all of this shit. Literally. Also, if I could get a severance package that includes a stiff martini and a massage by a Swede named Sven, that would be great.

Kthxbai.