Sunday, May 30, 2010

There is a Very Good Reason I Wasn't Alive in the 50s

I consider myself a feminist in the fact that I believe women and men are equals and should be treated as such. I believe women have earned their right to make decisions for themselves, most importantly in terms of their bodies, their jobs, and their relationships. There is a side of me though that is not an uber-feminist which is that I don't take offense to sexist jokes, I love men, and I have come to terms with the fact that there are some things men can do that women simply cannot (like writing their name in the snow with their pee, and quite frankly I am jealous of that). A friend of mine sent me this link earlier this week and I can't help but have a few opinions on the ads pictured. Check it out to see all 25 of the most sexist ads. Here are a few of my favorites, or at least, the ones I just couldn't pass up.

Yes, women really are a pain in the ass when you are hiking, to the top of Broke Back Mountain. Women get in the way of sexy time. Don't worry fellas, no need to drag your lady along just to show off your Drummond sweaters, they say it themselves; You're playing for the other team. But what woman doesn't love a well-dressed gay man?

Well I am already SO feminine, in every sense of the word, so I suppose I don't need to douche, right? And while we are the subject, this product was CLEARLY invented by a man. Unfortunately he was dumb enough to name it after himself. Douche.

Um, I just have the 10 fingernails so I'm wondering what kind of man marries a woman with 7 fingers on each hand. And really, how bad do you have to be at cleaning an oven to break ALL of your nails doing it? This really should be an ad for acceptance of people with special needs and not for an oven. As a side note, I have an oven that is apparently self cleaning but I've yet to attempt to use it. Don't worry though, I rarely use the oven so it stays pretty clean on its own. Maybe that's what Sears is promoting; cook less and you won't have to clean the oven! Why, this ad isn't sexist at all! Clearly it was just misunderstood.

I can't tell you how many times a man's pants have been so amazing
that the only thing I could think of was that I wanted him to walk all over me. I doubt even in the 50s a man wanted a woman who just laid there like a wet fish, but I guess when the only thing you have going for you is the fact that you dress well, you take what you can get. And a woman with her coloring would really look better in a zebra print.

Well of course society won't stand for indelicate women! That's just ridiculous! And nothing smells better than a woman who has rubbed deodorant all over her body. Just be careful. If you have touched her, be sure to wash your hands before eating. Have you ever accidentally tasted deodorant? It is awful. No? Never happened to you? Well then, moving right along....

This is actually a proven fact: Hoovers are better than Dysons for beating the living shit out of the husband who thought a vacuum was an appropriate Christmas gift. And she can suck up the evidence afterward. Win-win.

Lysol? As a douche? WTF??? I guess I know what I WON"T be using to clean my kitchen from now on. And by kitchen I mean the actual kitchen in my house, not some strange new term for a yatch.

Was there some strange phenomenon with women who smelled really bad in the 50s? Did women have such bad odor that it caused marital turmoil? Maybe men she be thanking the leaders of the feminist movement, it kind of seems like they did the men of the world a favor by freeing them of all us smelly women.

Ooh yeah, a dirty ad. I like it! Although, it seems a little progressive for this kind of porn to be in print ads in the 50s but hey, it had to start somewhere. Jenna Jameson should thank this fine couple for the career opportunity.

I actually really like this idea. Replace those appliances with Burberry hand bags, iPods, and jewelry and you got yourself an A+ idea! No more guessing, no more returning presents. Get it right the 1st time! Now if the ad only gave hints on how to cry on cue....

Let me give you a little hint: If you blow ANYTHING in my face, all you're getting is a stiletto to the junk. Maybe if you're lucky I'll throw in a divorce lawyer.

I'll make you a deal, you buy me a brand new VW and I won't ask why. But I'll take it as your way of saying "go ahead and hit whatever the fuck you want" and that doesn't exclude you.

Oh, hey yeah, fuck you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not crazy...very rational...good comments...Oh for the good ole days...