Just my blog though. I still live in Podunk Small Town, VA. I decided I needed a blog shift, so I've moved over to a new one, Life On Sixteen. I'll be chronicling the ever-exciting life I lead, maybe even getting craft and creative and shit. I'm going to stay away from getting all political as much as possible, but I'm keeping this blog active just in case I feel the need to rant, which will probably be often. Please check out and follow my new page and tell me what you think! And don't worry, I may not be all political and rants, but I'll still be that snarky, foul-mouthed, mom you all know and love ;)
This is what it looks like inside the mind of a partially crazy, hopefully funny, sometimes angry, usually happy, always loving mommy, wife, and friend.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Monday, August 4, 2014
The Time Really Flies
Yesterday my baby girl turned three. Three years old! How did that happen? My baby, my only girl, my very last child ever, and she is definitely not a baby anymore. My little ball of sass is growing up more and more every day. She's potty trained (finally!), and we are now in the process of changing all of her baby furniture out for big-girl furniture. She has opinions and ideas all her own and she damn near impossible to argue with (maybe because Charming Husband spoils her rotten? Probably). Three is a hard age, it was for both the boys and it doesn't look like little miss is going to be any easier, but I'm still pretty excited to see her personality develop. Having three kids is a challenge in and of itself, but I can say with absolute certainty that my life would not be complete if we hadn't added our little girl to the brood. I can't wait to take her shoe shopping and to talk about boys and build an amazing mother/daughter relationship. But for now, I'm more than happy to fight about bath time and how wearing underwear is an absolute must, and hopefully we solve THAT problem before she hits adolescence!
Thursday, July 3, 2014
16 Instances Where Misogyny Actually Didn't Exist
If you've been here for more than 20 seconds you know that I am not part of the "Modern Feminist" movement. I'm not even linking to my other posts about that because let's face it, we don't have all day. I came across this little gem the other day on Buzzfeed, which we all know is chock full of things like facts and unbiased opinion. The article claims there are 16 instances where "Micro-Misogyny" proves that the patriarchy is everywhere. I call bull shit on this whole thing, and here are my 16 15 why... (go to the link to see the irrelevant pictures they post with each of their points)
1. When guys call their ex-girlfriends "Crazy". Ummm, have you ever met his crazy ex-girlfriend? Because I have, and that bitch was fucking crazy. Stalking, calling constantly, pretending to be pregnant so he'll get back with her, those are things crazy women do. Maybe she isn't permanently crazy, maybe she was hormonal or young and inexperienced with break ups, maybe she grew up and learned her lesson and her next breakup was beautiful and easy and everyone hugged it out. That doesn't mean she didn't go all batshit when she broke up with a guy one time. Let's call a spade a spade, or this case, let's call a crazy ex-girlfriend a crazy ex-girlfriend.
2. When waiters automatically give the check to the guy at the table. When was the last time this actually happened? I have waited many a table in my life, and I never handed the check to anyone. I put it in the middle of the table and let them duke it out amongst themselves. The only time I've ever seen the waiter hand the check to a specific person was when said person specifically asked to have the check delivered directly to said person. And don't even think about saying how misogynistic it is for a man to pay for dinner on a date. If he wants to pay, he is more than welcome. I can always get the next one.
3. When a dude suggests we've reached equality in the workplace, just look at all these women! You are talking about the generation of men who has seen the workplace go from zero women to a few secretaries to female CEOs. Women used to not work, like ever, and now they do. The only men, or "dudes" as you so uncondescendingly call them, who think like this were around when women didn't hold powerful jobs. Younger men, even middle-aged men, have always had women in the workplace. Always. They've even reported to at least a few. Again, I have never, ever, experienced anything like this.
10. When a man riding a bicycle pulls in front of you at a stop light because he assumes he must be a faster rider, even though he has only seen you on your bike at a full stop…and then you pass them immediately. Ok, so I've never experienced this because I'm an adult and drive a car, also I hate people on bicycles, but it seems to me that you might be reading a little too far into this one. Couldn't he just be pulling in front of you because he wants a chance to get off the line faster than you? I'm not saying he isn't kind of a selfish jerk by cutting in line, but he'd probably do it to any cyclist that was at that same red light, not just the girls. Seems like maybe one guy did this to you one time and you can't seem to let it go.
11. When a guy tells you you're "overreacting". Well, were you overreacting? I've been told that before. I've also said it to Charming Husband before. In both cases, the person hearing it is usually overreacting. Judging by the "points" you make in this article I bet you overreact pretty often. (You should check out the GIF on this one, I don't really like Michelle Obama, but her face in this says it all).
12. Asks you at any point, for any reason, if "it's your time of the month". Ya know, I'm going to concede on this single point. Sometimes I'm mad because I am premenstrual, but more likely I am mad because you fucked up. I think it is fair for a man to think that maybe I am soooo upset because it's that time of the month (I mean, it does get exponentially worse then) but for the love of god, and your own safety, DON'T SAY IT!
13. When a man INSISTS that all women MUST get off the elevator before him. Ugh, don't you just HATE it when men are polite?! I mean, how dare they let a women get out of the stuffy, cramped elevator first!
14. When a guy sits next to you on the airplane and automatically takes over the armrest. So take it back. Again, I think this is more of an "asshole" thing than a "male" thing. Just because a guy does something you don't like doesn't mean it's misogynistic, it means that particular guy is a self-centered twat waffle. I'm certain I could name plenty of women who fall into that category.
15. When you're the only girl in the weight room and a guy comes up and asks if you "know what you are doing". Yes, because weights are so complicated and the weight machines don't have instructions posted right on them or anything and all men think that women are stupid and couldn't possibly read and be doing it right. If you are doing something the correct way, anyone who knows the correct way can look at you and know that you are doing it right. If you aren't, maybe you should listen to that guy so that you don't hurt yourself. But again, I've never seen this actually play out in real life. I go to the gym 3 times a week on average. The elliptical I use it right next to the weights. The only time I've ever seen a guy helping a girl is when she either asked him for help or she actually came to the gym with him, which to me implies that she knows him and he feels comfortable helping her
16. When a dude does THIS in the subway (what you don't see here in my post is the picture of a guy sitting with his legs far apart, go and look at the actual picture now). What I see in this picture is not a depiction of misogyny and how men feel they need more space, I see a man who is, in general, a giant douche canoe He dresses like one, wears his hair like one, and clearly his ego brings it all together. I think this is a typical action of a young guy, fairly new to the business world, and at the bottom of the ladder. Men who are actually professional and not just pretending to be wouldn't do this. Also, I have seen thousands of men, men on every bus or train or plane that I have been on, sit like this when they have the room, but as soon as I sit down next to them or as soon as the transportation vessel in which we sit fills up, they take up the appropriate amount of room and allow others their personal space. Who cares if they do this when there is plenty of room?
Obviously, I find this kind of propaganda obnoxious. "Micro Misogyny" is something lesbians/feminists have made up to make all men look evil. But men aren't evil and they aren't the enemy. Some definitely suck at life, but they aren't evil.
1. When guys call their ex-girlfriends "Crazy". Ummm, have you ever met his crazy ex-girlfriend? Because I have, and that bitch was fucking crazy. Stalking, calling constantly, pretending to be pregnant so he'll get back with her, those are things crazy women do. Maybe she isn't permanently crazy, maybe she was hormonal or young and inexperienced with break ups, maybe she grew up and learned her lesson and her next breakup was beautiful and easy and everyone hugged it out. That doesn't mean she didn't go all batshit when she broke up with a guy one time. Let's call a spade a spade, or this case, let's call a crazy ex-girlfriend a crazy ex-girlfriend.
2. When waiters automatically give the check to the guy at the table. When was the last time this actually happened? I have waited many a table in my life, and I never handed the check to anyone. I put it in the middle of the table and let them duke it out amongst themselves. The only time I've ever seen the waiter hand the check to a specific person was when said person specifically asked to have the check delivered directly to said person. And don't even think about saying how misogynistic it is for a man to pay for dinner on a date. If he wants to pay, he is more than welcome. I can always get the next one.
3. When a dude suggests we've reached equality in the workplace, just look at all these women! You are talking about the generation of men who has seen the workplace go from zero women to a few secretaries to female CEOs. Women used to not work, like ever, and now they do. The only men, or "dudes" as you so uncondescendingly call them, who think like this were around when women didn't hold powerful jobs. Younger men, even middle-aged men, have always had women in the workplace. Always. They've even reported to at least a few. Again, I have never, ever, experienced anything like this.
4. When you're playing an outdoor game (bocce ball! shuffleboard!) with another woman and a dude comes over to tell you how to play the "right way". Ok, 1st of all, this is like the oldest flirting trick in the book. He comes over because he wants to get close to you. 2nd of all who would actually do this? No man has ever told me I'm playing a game wrong. My neighbor is a professional baseball player and when we play baseball with the kids in the yard, he doesn't tell anyone that they are doing it wrong. And 3rd, and most importantly, of all, WOMEN DO THIS SHIT TOO! Have you ever met a control freak or a women with a type A personality? Regardless of the game or the project or the event, you are doing it wrong if you are doing it differently than they want you too. People like this are obnoxious, yes, but it isn't because they are male. It's because they are obnoxious.
5. When a guy takes it upon himself to order for you. "and she'll have..." Right. Because it's 1933 and men still do this. MEN DON'T STILL DO THIS! They don't assume that a woman they are in the early stages of dating will eat whatever he orders for her. If he knew what she liked he's been making it for her himself. Every once in a while I'll tell my husband what to order for me while I run to the bathroom or deal with the kids, and that is the only time this statement has ever come out of his mouth. And if you should ever come across a man who thinks men still do this, it's probably because he is trying to be polite. If you don't like what he ordered for you or if you don't like the fact that he ordered for you, go ahead and tell him and the waiter what you actually want "actually, I think I'll have the..." See how easy that was? Absolute misogyny crisis averted.
6. When a server assumes that the man will taste the wine you ordered. Again, standard procedure is to give the wine to whoever ordered it to taste it. If he ordered it, he gets to taste it. If the server gives it to the wrong person, ask to taste it yourself. Easy peasy.
7. When a guy you've never met tells you to smile. How is that misogyny? Annoying? Yes. Infuriating even? Yes. But when you know the guy who is saying that it is still obnoxious. He might just be trying to make you smile, maybe he really cares and wonders what is wrong that is making you not smile. A simple evil glare or a quick "fuck off" will tell him it's none of his goddamn business. Again, this is a personality quirk. Some men (and women) think this is acceptable behavior; they want to talk to other people and see them smile. It's probably the wrong way to do it, but it's done with good intentions.
8. When guys assume that you're just bad at drinking games so they never want you on your team. Huh? This is a thing? You are mad because the men you hang out with don't think you have a drinking problem like they do, or that you are too young/hot/skinny to be able to drink as much as them? There are team drinking games? And men would rather only have other men on their teams instead of having drunk girls get drunk with them? I find this 200% unbelievable.
9. When a guy starts defending Woody Allen, R. Kelly, or Roman Polanski's "artistry". The only men who would ever dream of defending such crap are either uber liberal (like other actors/directors/crappy musicians) or perverts. If any other man happens to enjoy any of these Hollywood cowdung's work, it's because they probably get to see naked chicks. Regular men couldn't give a shit about the "artistry".
11. When a guy tells you you're "overreacting". Well, were you overreacting? I've been told that before. I've also said it to Charming Husband before. In both cases, the person hearing it is usually overreacting. Judging by the "points" you make in this article I bet you overreact pretty often. (You should check out the GIF on this one, I don't really like Michelle Obama, but her face in this says it all).
12. Asks you at any point, for any reason, if "it's your time of the month". Ya know, I'm going to concede on this single point. Sometimes I'm mad because I am premenstrual, but more likely I am mad because you fucked up. I think it is fair for a man to think that maybe I am soooo upset because it's that time of the month (I mean, it does get exponentially worse then) but for the love of god, and your own safety, DON'T SAY IT!
13. When a man INSISTS that all women MUST get off the elevator before him. Ugh, don't you just HATE it when men are polite?! I mean, how dare they let a women get out of the stuffy, cramped elevator first!
14. When a guy sits next to you on the airplane and automatically takes over the armrest. So take it back. Again, I think this is more of an "asshole" thing than a "male" thing. Just because a guy does something you don't like doesn't mean it's misogynistic, it means that particular guy is a self-centered twat waffle. I'm certain I could name plenty of women who fall into that category.
15. When you're the only girl in the weight room and a guy comes up and asks if you "know what you are doing". Yes, because weights are so complicated and the weight machines don't have instructions posted right on them or anything and all men think that women are stupid and couldn't possibly read and be doing it right. If you are doing something the correct way, anyone who knows the correct way can look at you and know that you are doing it right. If you aren't, maybe you should listen to that guy so that you don't hurt yourself. But again, I've never seen this actually play out in real life. I go to the gym 3 times a week on average. The elliptical I use it right next to the weights. The only time I've ever seen a guy helping a girl is when she either asked him for help or she actually came to the gym with him, which to me implies that she knows him and he feels comfortable helping her
16. When a dude does THIS in the subway (what you don't see here in my post is the picture of a guy sitting with his legs far apart, go and look at the actual picture now). What I see in this picture is not a depiction of misogyny and how men feel they need more space, I see a man who is, in general, a giant douche canoe He dresses like one, wears his hair like one, and clearly his ego brings it all together. I think this is a typical action of a young guy, fairly new to the business world, and at the bottom of the ladder. Men who are actually professional and not just pretending to be wouldn't do this. Also, I have seen thousands of men, men on every bus or train or plane that I have been on, sit like this when they have the room, but as soon as I sit down next to them or as soon as the transportation vessel in which we sit fills up, they take up the appropriate amount of room and allow others their personal space. Who cares if they do this when there is plenty of room?
Obviously, I find this kind of propaganda obnoxious. "Micro Misogyny" is something lesbians/feminists have made up to make all men look evil. But men aren't evil and they aren't the enemy. Some definitely suck at life, but they aren't evil.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
An Open Letter to #YesAllWomen
To the Ladies of #YesAllWomen,
I understand what you are trying to do. I understand your fight and why you are so passionate about the discussion surrounding rape. I've known many women who are victims of sexual assault, and I agree that it has gotten out of hand. Well actually, that isn't entirely true. It has always been out of hand, women have faced this for centuries, and it certainly past time to really have the conversation about how to fix the problem.
In my opinion, there are 2 very different discussions that need to be had. One is about rapists; men who force sexual acts on unwilling women. The other, I wouldn't consider sexual assault, but I would consider it inappropriate and unwanted attention. I'm want to talk about that 2nd one 1st.
I hadn't ever really stopped to think about this until recently, and I suppose I have #yesallwomen to thank for that. I came across an article that was written in response to the trending hashtag that has been blowing up the internet since the shooting in California a few weeks ago. The writer in this article goes on to explain 2 situations with men where she felt incredibly uncomfortable. As I read it, I began to recall a few situations I found myself in years ago. I was uncomfortable, yes, but I never feared for my safety. Some of the questions this particular writer addressed was how do we change this? How should I have reacted? How should I tell my young daughter to respond in such a situation? I fear that those of you who are using #yesallwomen to tell your stories are also stuck on the idea that women shouldn't have to do anything. The women are not at fault, and I think the vast majority of people in this country would agree with that, and I am in no way blaming the victims, but women are also very capable of stopping this behavior. Over a decade ago a friend and I went to a club to
The other conversation that I think needs to be had is that of rape. The thing is, men who are willing to rape aren't the type that you can reason with and talk to and "teach". Rapists are criminals, and criminals break the law without regard to anyone else. You can keep saying that we need to "teach boys not to rape" but what makes you think that we aren't already doing that? We teach our children not to murder or steal or rape, yet there are still people who do those things. They are criminals. The only way to deal with criminals is to throw the book at them or stop them in the act. That's why I am so appalled at the outrage that the newly crowned Miss USA. Formally Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. In her interview she spoke of the importance of women learning self-defense to protect themselves. Instead of lauding her for pushing women to take care of themselves, you've attacked her because you think she is blaming the victims. You continue with the rhetoric that we should be teaching boys not to rape, as if that is the only solution. Women are not to blame when they are raped, but even if so, shouldn't they be able to defend themselves and save the years of pain that follow an assault of such magnitude? You can shout until you are blue in the face, but people are going to stop listening to you. If you really want less women to be victims of rape, give them the tools to keep it from happening. "Teach"
Sincerely,
AnnieD
Friday, June 6, 2014
Just Let Him Be A Boy
Parents face hard decisions every day when it comes to raising their children. None of us can really know what we do in situtations that we've never even imagined could happen. Most people have probably seen the video of the transgender child and his family that has been circling the web. I personally hate watching video news stories, and every time I saw this topic posted somewhere it linked to a video that I had no desire to watch (it doesn't help that I am usually using my phone to browse the internet and for whatever reason my phone doesn't play sound, thanks Apple.) Finally, I came across an actual article that outlined some of the main points of the video. I tried really hard to not make any judgements until I actually knew the story, but my first inclination was to think that this is a 5 or 6 year old kid, how can anyone at that age really know what their "gender identity" is? Are we seriously that focused on this idea of gender identity that we are allowing very young children to make life-changing decisions about theirs? Can't we just let kids be kids?
After finally reading the article, my views have changed a bit. I admit, I have zero experience with a "gender identity crisis". The only time I have ever wanted to be a boy is when I was camping and really didn't want to venture into the woods by myself to pee (who KNOWS what you might accidentally squat on out there!). Ok, and roughly every 23 days I curse being born a woman but that feeling is fleeting. I have no idea what it feels like to be unhappy in the skin you were born with. The little boy in this story was born a girl, and it devastated him. No, I don't think he is old enough to really know what he wants for the rest of his life, but right now he wants to be a boy and his parents are letting him. He may very well decide 10 years from now that he does actually identify as a girl. The outcome of this child's life has yet to be determined. His parents have chosen to love and support him no matter what, and I think that's a beautiful thing. I would probably not have made the same decision if this had been my child, but as a general rule of them I try not to giving a shit what other people do with their personal lives, and I try even harder to not judge other parents the decisions they make regarding their own children. This child isn't in any danger, his parents aren't hurting him. I'm pretty sure you can't over-love your kids.
As with most things posted on the internet, it is what is found in the comments section that is truly infuriating. There a few things in particular that I want to address. 1st of all, a lot of people are totally freaking out because he is so young and might change his mind and his parents have ruined that. Uh, they cut his hair, redecorated his room, and starting referring to him as "him" instead of "her". OH MY GOD HOW WILL THEY EVER UNDO THAT IF HE CHANGES HIS MIND?! Hair grows back, rooms can be redecorated. No permanent changes were made to this child's body. I feel like that needs to be repeated: No permanent changes were made to this child's body. If his parents had taken such drastic measures I would probably not be sitting here defending their decision, but they didn't so here I am. Other people are pointing out the glaringly obvious; that he doesn't have a penis. He is going to know that he still isn't really a boy. And while that is obviously true, it's probably a pretty irrelevant fact to a 6 year old. As puberty hits and he is very much a girl physically, it may become a problem, but these parents will figure out the best way to address this when the time comes. What is a fact in this child's life is that his parents love him and want what is best for him, and he will always know that. If he decides later in life that he wants to go back to being a girl, his years spent living as a boy will not negatively affect him. If he continues to identify as a boy he won't face the same hardships as other people in his position because he will already know that he has the support of his family. The other popular comment on this story is that "he is just a kid, how does he know what he wants? His parents are setting a precident by allowing him to get his way". Erroneous. Erroneous on all accounts. Have these people ever met a child? Children know what they want, and it is damn near impossible to change their minds. Eventually, children get older and they change their preferrences, but sometimes they really know what they want and that want only gets stronger as they get older. Some of our childhood wishes seem utterly ridiculous to our parents, but they let us dream because they are certain we will grow out of them, and when we don't, it only confirms that they did the right thing by allowing us to dream. While most of those childhood dreams we have are completely unattainable, we would jump at the chance to have them come to fruition. This child wants to be a little boy, and that is a dream that is completely possible to fulfill. Why deny him his greatest desire simply because we don't understand what it is like to be in his shoes? And them giving him this doesn't mean he gets everything he wants or that he know calls the shots. Sometimes kids do get want they want, all parents at some point give in to their kids. Unless they are also letting him eat oreos every day for breakfast and stay up til midnight I'm guessing this child doesn't think he rules the roost.
The last thing I want to say about this is that while I understand why these parents did what they did and I hope that this little boy finds the happiness he is looking for, I'm dismayed that it was necessary. Why can't kids just be who they want to be without all the hubbub? Why can't little girls cut their hair and wear suits and sleep on spiderman sheets, but still be little girls? Why can't boys want to wear a pretty dress and Sofia the First shoes without being judged? He hated that he was a girl and not a boy, why does being born with the wrong equipment make you something you don't want to be? I'm not one of those wackos that thinks all things should be gender neutral, and I have certainly steered my children in certain directions based on their gender, but I'm also going to let them be who they want to be. If my son wants to wear pink, for the love of God I'll let him wear pink. Sometimes there are battles not worth fighting.
After finally reading the article, my views have changed a bit. I admit, I have zero experience with a "gender identity crisis". The only time I have ever wanted to be a boy is when I was camping and really didn't want to venture into the woods by myself to pee (who KNOWS what you might accidentally squat on out there!). Ok, and roughly every 23 days I curse being born a woman but that feeling is fleeting. I have no idea what it feels like to be unhappy in the skin you were born with. The little boy in this story was born a girl, and it devastated him. No, I don't think he is old enough to really know what he wants for the rest of his life, but right now he wants to be a boy and his parents are letting him. He may very well decide 10 years from now that he does actually identify as a girl. The outcome of this child's life has yet to be determined. His parents have chosen to love and support him no matter what, and I think that's a beautiful thing. I would probably not have made the same decision if this had been my child, but as a general rule of them I try not to giving a shit what other people do with their personal lives, and I try even harder to not judge other parents the decisions they make regarding their own children. This child isn't in any danger, his parents aren't hurting him. I'm pretty sure you can't over-love your kids.
As with most things posted on the internet, it is what is found in the comments section that is truly infuriating. There a few things in particular that I want to address. 1st of all, a lot of people are totally freaking out because he is so young and might change his mind and his parents have ruined that. Uh, they cut his hair, redecorated his room, and starting referring to him as "him" instead of "her". OH MY GOD HOW WILL THEY EVER UNDO THAT IF HE CHANGES HIS MIND?! Hair grows back, rooms can be redecorated. No permanent changes were made to this child's body. I feel like that needs to be repeated: No permanent changes were made to this child's body. If his parents had taken such drastic measures I would probably not be sitting here defending their decision, but they didn't so here I am. Other people are pointing out the glaringly obvious; that he doesn't have a penis. He is going to know that he still isn't really a boy. And while that is obviously true, it's probably a pretty irrelevant fact to a 6 year old. As puberty hits and he is very much a girl physically, it may become a problem, but these parents will figure out the best way to address this when the time comes. What is a fact in this child's life is that his parents love him and want what is best for him, and he will always know that. If he decides later in life that he wants to go back to being a girl, his years spent living as a boy will not negatively affect him. If he continues to identify as a boy he won't face the same hardships as other people in his position because he will already know that he has the support of his family. The other popular comment on this story is that "he is just a kid, how does he know what he wants? His parents are setting a precident by allowing him to get his way". Erroneous. Erroneous on all accounts. Have these people ever met a child? Children know what they want, and it is damn near impossible to change their minds. Eventually, children get older and they change their preferrences, but sometimes they really know what they want and that want only gets stronger as they get older. Some of our childhood wishes seem utterly ridiculous to our parents, but they let us dream because they are certain we will grow out of them, and when we don't, it only confirms that they did the right thing by allowing us to dream. While most of those childhood dreams we have are completely unattainable, we would jump at the chance to have them come to fruition. This child wants to be a little boy, and that is a dream that is completely possible to fulfill. Why deny him his greatest desire simply because we don't understand what it is like to be in his shoes? And them giving him this doesn't mean he gets everything he wants or that he know calls the shots. Sometimes kids do get want they want, all parents at some point give in to their kids. Unless they are also letting him eat oreos every day for breakfast and stay up til midnight I'm guessing this child doesn't think he rules the roost.
The last thing I want to say about this is that while I understand why these parents did what they did and I hope that this little boy finds the happiness he is looking for, I'm dismayed that it was necessary. Why can't kids just be who they want to be without all the hubbub? Why can't little girls cut their hair and wear suits and sleep on spiderman sheets, but still be little girls? Why can't boys want to wear a pretty dress and Sofia the First shoes without being judged? He hated that he was a girl and not a boy, why does being born with the wrong equipment make you something you don't want to be? I'm not one of those wackos that thinks all things should be gender neutral, and I have certainly steered my children in certain directions based on their gender, but I'm also going to let them be who they want to be. If my son wants to wear pink, for the love of God I'll let him wear pink. Sometimes there are battles not worth fighting.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Feminism, Anti-Feminism, and Straight-Up Douchebaggery
If you haven’t had the, ah, pleasure, of watching this video clip or reading this article about the oh so charming Gavin McInnes and his rant against women go ahead and go do that. Once you’re done seething go ahead and come back here. This is my response to Gavin, and his utter ignorance. If you’ve been following me for long you know that I don’t consider myself to be a feminist. You can read all about my reasons why here.
Right off the bat I almost agreed with what this guy was saying in the video. Successful women in business often exhibit behavior that is more masculine in nature. Where he lost me is when he claims that women behave that way because society is telling us we have to, and we are actually miserable because of it. Women apparently don’t really want to do anything other than be mothers and stay at home raising our kids (which is an infinitely important role and I in know way discredit women who absolutely love doing it). I am currently staying home with my 3 kids. I am constantly surrounded by other stay at home moms and I almost feel pressured to continue staying home because they think it’s what’s best. But when the kids are tucked into bed and the dishes are done and the house is quiet I fantasize about going back to work. I frantically search job listings daily to try and find something else. I apply to everything I’m interested in and pray to God someone calls me. It isn’t because someone is telling me I have to work or that I should work or that raising kids and being domestic is a bad thing. It is because I WANT to work. I want a career, I want to be successful, and I want to contribute financially to my family. You want to know what misery is, Gavin? Having three kids throwing temper tantrums at the same time because they are sick and didn’t get enough sleep and knowing that you get to repeat the whole process again tomorrow, and the next day, with little or no help or relief. THAT is miserable. And it is laughable that this guy just pulls a number out of his ass; his instinct is that only 7% of women are happy in this working role. What? Your instinct is that women are so meek and stupid that the majority of us are miserable working? We make up half the work force but only 7% of us actually want to be there and we just can’t quit because society tells us we have to work? We are so concerned with what other people tell us we need to be that we are afraid to be ourselves? I think you need to expand the number of women in your life if you think that’s an accurate representation. I’ve been accused of being a lot of things, but meek are stupid are not among them. In fact, I can be downright mean when I want to be, and trust me, I WANT to be. I choose to be the way I am; nobody else controls that.
Gavin’s treatment of the female panelist just shows how he really sees women. The woman was very well-spoken and composed, and kept her cool while he threw insults at her because she proved her point. Men like this are threatened by women because they know they can be easily pushed aside for an intelligent and powerful woman. Men like Gavin are afraid that their jobs and their roles in life are at risk because women are capable of doing them, and possibly doing them better. His idea that men who stay home with their kids "look ridiculous" is just plain not true. Men who are great dads and who support their wives’ career goals are sexy. Period.
While the video was maddening, there were a few points that he made that weren’t totally off. It was the follow-up call meant to defend his words that really makes Mr. McInnes an off-the-charts d-bag. He claims that women fight to get to the top and then expect to see their male counterparts "drinking brandy and going to strip clubs" and are disappointed that they have to actually work still. Because, again, women are apparently morons who only want to get to the top so they can relax and collect a big paycheck without working for it. But none of that compares to this little piece of brilliance he shares: "…men are becoming beta males because feminists have told them to, but you’ll notice feminists don’t fuck those guys". Ha! You keep talking about natural behaviors and how men are naturally more aggressive. IF that is true, then why the hell are men allowing anyone to tell them how they should behave? They are choosing to behave how they want. Oh, and I think it goes without saying that you consider yourself an alpha male, right? Well Gav, that may be true, but even still, women don’t want to fuck you. You’re full of yourself, you can’t have decent conversations with people who disagree with you, and quite frankly, you’re ugly. Being a "real man" is a very unattractive trait on you. Women still love masculinity. We still love the cowboy. Cowboys know how to treat a lady; calling her a "fucking idiot" isn’t it.
Right off the bat I almost agreed with what this guy was saying in the video. Successful women in business often exhibit behavior that is more masculine in nature. Where he lost me is when he claims that women behave that way because society is telling us we have to, and we are actually miserable because of it. Women apparently don’t really want to do anything other than be mothers and stay at home raising our kids (which is an infinitely important role and I in know way discredit women who absolutely love doing it). I am currently staying home with my 3 kids. I am constantly surrounded by other stay at home moms and I almost feel pressured to continue staying home because they think it’s what’s best. But when the kids are tucked into bed and the dishes are done and the house is quiet I fantasize about going back to work. I frantically search job listings daily to try and find something else. I apply to everything I’m interested in and pray to God someone calls me. It isn’t because someone is telling me I have to work or that I should work or that raising kids and being domestic is a bad thing. It is because I WANT to work. I want a career, I want to be successful, and I want to contribute financially to my family. You want to know what misery is, Gavin? Having three kids throwing temper tantrums at the same time because they are sick and didn’t get enough sleep and knowing that you get to repeat the whole process again tomorrow, and the next day, with little or no help or relief. THAT is miserable. And it is laughable that this guy just pulls a number out of his ass; his instinct is that only 7% of women are happy in this working role. What? Your instinct is that women are so meek and stupid that the majority of us are miserable working? We make up half the work force but only 7% of us actually want to be there and we just can’t quit because society tells us we have to work? We are so concerned with what other people tell us we need to be that we are afraid to be ourselves? I think you need to expand the number of women in your life if you think that’s an accurate representation. I’ve been accused of being a lot of things, but meek are stupid are not among them. In fact, I can be downright mean when I want to be, and trust me, I WANT to be. I choose to be the way I am; nobody else controls that.
Gavin’s treatment of the female panelist just shows how he really sees women. The woman was very well-spoken and composed, and kept her cool while he threw insults at her because she proved her point. Men like this are threatened by women because they know they can be easily pushed aside for an intelligent and powerful woman. Men like Gavin are afraid that their jobs and their roles in life are at risk because women are capable of doing them, and possibly doing them better. His idea that men who stay home with their kids "look ridiculous" is just plain not true. Men who are great dads and who support their wives’ career goals are sexy. Period.
While the video was maddening, there were a few points that he made that weren’t totally off. It was the follow-up call meant to defend his words that really makes Mr. McInnes an off-the-charts d-bag. He claims that women fight to get to the top and then expect to see their male counterparts "drinking brandy and going to strip clubs" and are disappointed that they have to actually work still. Because, again, women are apparently morons who only want to get to the top so they can relax and collect a big paycheck without working for it. But none of that compares to this little piece of brilliance he shares: "…men are becoming beta males because feminists have told them to, but you’ll notice feminists don’t fuck those guys". Ha! You keep talking about natural behaviors and how men are naturally more aggressive. IF that is true, then why the hell are men allowing anyone to tell them how they should behave? They are choosing to behave how they want. Oh, and I think it goes without saying that you consider yourself an alpha male, right? Well Gav, that may be true, but even still, women don’t want to fuck you. You’re full of yourself, you can’t have decent conversations with people who disagree with you, and quite frankly, you’re ugly. Being a "real man" is a very unattractive trait on you. Women still love masculinity. We still love the cowboy. Cowboys know how to treat a lady; calling her a "fucking idiot" isn’t it.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Eight
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I’ve spent the better part of the last 24 hours being super domestic. I baked muffins, did laundry, made alfredo sauce from scratch, baked a cake, and blew up a package of balloons; all because today, my 1st born turns 8. Eight freaking years old. I know it’s cliché to say this, but how the hell did this happen?? I cannot believe how quickly these last 8 years has flown (not to mention, is it even possible that I’m old enough to have an 8 year old?!). I knew these years would fly by, but I still hoped that he would always stay little. That hope is pretty much out the window now.
My Bug is officially too old to be considered my baby, to even be considered a little kid! He is a big kid. As if the fact that he is the tallest kid in his class didn’t prove that before. As if girls calling him on the phone didn’t make me consider it. As if him riding off on his bike by himself to scour the neighborhood was something "little kids" do. No, I should have seen this coming. It shouldn’t have hit me like a truck this morning when he woke up to the alarm that he set and got himself dressed and completely ready to go 15 minutes early because he is responsible like that. This kid, my big 8 year old, is…well…he’s amazing. There isn’t a better big brother in the world. No child has ever been so purposely thoughtful. No one has ever held the power to make me so angry yet so happy at the same time. He has been stubborn since we forced him to come out at 41 weeks, he tests my patience daily, he makes question the intelligence of having three kids. But he makes me so proud. The mothers in our neighborhood sing his praises to me every chance they get. He is so sweet and patient with the younger kids, he is gentle and kind with the girls, he is polite to all of the parents. He knows his manners. He keeps his room clean. For the last week he has rinsed his dishes and put them in the sink without a single reminder (because he may or may not actually be my child). He wants to stay up late at night so he can read books. He sings and dances whether there is music on or not (because he is obviously my child). He is handsome and smart and sweet and thoughtful and well on his way to being a young man that I will be proud of. He made me a mother, and I hope he always lets me mother him at least a little bit. Happy 8th birthday Bug. I hope you have 100 more as wonderful as this one.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Working Mom
So, I did it. One month ago I went back to work. I’ve known for sometime now that I needed to, and wanted to, for my own sanity. Being able to stay home with my kids has been an amazing blessing, but I am a better mom when I am working, so it was time. It’s just a part-time job, and it isn’t in my desired field of HR, but it’s 5 minutes from my kids’ schools and it pays well and it’s easy so here I am.
I’ve had some second thoughts. On my 2nd day when I went to drop off my little ones at daycare and my 2 year old completely lost it and screamed for me like she was seriously injured and I cried all the way to work, I thought to myself, "why the hell am I doing this?". But today when I dropped her off after almost 2 whole weeks of no school (because the daycare center CLOSES COMPLETELY! WTF?) she walked in, saw her buddy, and started playing. It was amazing, and it makes going to work so much easier to know that my baby isn’t sitting at school screaming and hating me.
So now I’m here; sitting at work blogging diligently working. I miss my kids like crazy, but at least I’m getting paid to be away, right? This transition would be easier if I was actually doing what I want, but oh well. My middle child starts kindergarten in August (WHAT.THE. EFF.) and I will consider going full-time then, and full-time in my desired field. Until then, I will take to opprtunity to really blog more learn new skills and get back in the working game.
I’ve had some second thoughts. On my 2nd day when I went to drop off my little ones at daycare and my 2 year old completely lost it and screamed for me like she was seriously injured and I cried all the way to work, I thought to myself, "why the hell am I doing this?". But today when I dropped her off after almost 2 whole weeks of no school (because the daycare center CLOSES COMPLETELY! WTF?) she walked in, saw her buddy, and started playing. It was amazing, and it makes going to work so much easier to know that my baby isn’t sitting at school screaming and hating me.
So now I’m here; sitting at work blogging diligently working. I miss my kids like crazy, but at least I’m getting paid to be away, right? This transition would be easier if I was actually doing what I want, but oh well. My middle child starts kindergarten in August (WHAT.THE. EFF.) and I will consider going full-time then, and full-time in my desired field. Until then, I will take to opprtunity to really blog more learn new skills and get back in the working game.
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