Why I'm Not a Feminist: Part 1

I had originally planned on just one post for this topic, but I've come across a million more talking posts so I've split it into 2 posts. I haven't finished part 2 yet but I'll get it posted as soon as I do (spoiler alert, it has to do with women in the workplace). A few months ago Katy Perry was given Billboard's Woman of the Year Award. During her acceptance speech she said this: "I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the strength of women." I never thought that I would agree with Katy or like anything that she had to say, but I am with her on this. Naturally her comment led to a shitstorm of word vom from the feminist movement. Their claim was that everthing Katy said did in fact make her a feminist and none of them could understand why she would denounce them. Well friend, I'm going to break it down for you.

By the very definition of feminism you can bet your lily-white as that I'm a feminist. I believe in equal rights for woman (for everyone really, but I'll stick to women for this post or else it will go on for days). I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe that as a woman I am just as smart and just as capable as my male counterparts. There is nothing men can do that women can't (except pee standing up, and I'll admit I'm pretty envious of that). But by today's standard, I am NOT a feminist. Today's feminist movement bears no resemblence to that of the early 20th century. The women who fought for my right to vote deserve praise. They are the very reason that I can sit here and write whatever I want. They are the reason I have a say in what happens in my life and in this country. They had good reason to fight and they sacrificed everything in order to achieve it. Today's feminist has taken that legacy and spat on it. They expect all women to agree with them on everything. They don't appreciate the difference in women that make us unique. They can't comprehend that there are women out there who oppose abortion. They think that all women should go back to work after they have children because the idea that staying home with their children is antiquated and hurts women in the long run. I actually got into a discussion where I had to defend my choice to take my husband's name when we got married; why didn't we hyphenate the children's last name? Why didn't we choose any other acceptable option except me just taking his name? You want to know why? Because it's none of your fucking business, that's why. Feminism is about women being able to think for themselves. Disagreeing with you doesn't make me less of a woman. My voice and my intelligence are what make me powerful. I am smart; I'll make decisions based on my life and not yours thankyouverymuch.

I stumbled onto an article written right after the Oscars last weekend. It was on Jezebel, so I should've known better than to read it. If you've never accidentally stumbled to that site and you are not a feminist, I suggest you avoid doing so. This particular article was all about how sexist Seth McFarlane was and how our society is so awful for allowing this "humor" to be acceptable, blah, blah, blah. Ok, 1st of all, he was JOKING! Seriously, get off your high horse and have a damn laugh. I'll agree that Seth wasn't the best ever Oscars host but A. He was a lot more PC than I was expecting considering what the Family Guy is like and B. the "sexist" jokes you are complaining about we're the only ones I actually laughed at. Complain because he wasn't that funny, but don't complain you are grasping for reasons to cry sexism. What was even more infuriating was reading the comments (this ALWAYS infuriates me and I should really stop reading them). People weighed in in support of the writer as expected, but there were a bunch of people, women and men, who made similar points to mine. As soon as someone started disagreeing with what the feminist writer was saying the other feminist commenters went on the attack. They were pissed because these people were on their site. Um, don't you want to spread the word? Are you trying to reach people who aren't part of your movement so you can gain support? If you hate everyone who isn't part of your movement, and no one outside of that movement is particularly fond of you either, you are doing something wrong. Even worse was the name calling. Are we in middle school? Because I for one hated middle school and would prefer to not deal with anyone that age or of that mindset until my own children are there, and even then.... The supporters of the writer called the others whores and sluts and fucking idiots. If you want to prove your point, or better yet, prove me wrong, try using coherent thoughts. Come up with a valid argument instead of resorting to name-calling. All you are doing is reducing your credibility to nothing. To quote Tina Fey in Mean Girls, "you have all got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores". How can you expect women to gain the respect they deserve when other women cannot offer each other that respect?

I'm sure that there are self-proclaimed feminists out there who don't fall into this stereotype that I've laid out, but that is the reputation that the feminist movement has and I for one don't want to be lumped into that category. I don't want to be viewed that way. Whether or not I agree with their basic ideals or their stances on certain political topics is irrelevant. I don't want to be seen as a women who thinks men are the enemy or as someone who cares only about women and our "right" to free birth control and abortions (another topic for another day). You have made your entire movement about sex and birth control and how it's your body and you can do what you want with it, but God forbid some guy mention boobs and how great he thinks they are. Because its all about sex until you decide that it isn't ok for men to like boobs and think they are sexual. News flash: if you don't think boobs are sexual your partner is doing something wrong. Me? I am more than sex. I am a beautiful person with a beautiful mind. I know better than to let someone else's harmless jokes offend me. I have opinions and thoughts and dreams and ideals of my own. The fact that I am a woman is a characteristic, just as being blonde is, or being awesome. I love being a woman (I also love being blonde, and awesome) and I love the choice I've made to stay home with my kids while I have the opportunity. I will love going back to work when the time comes. I love the choice I made to take my husband's name and give it to our children. I shouldn't have to defend any of these choices. Feminism gave me the right to make them, and feminists are taking it away.