Is It Just Me or is This Getting Boring?

So this 30 Days of Truth thing is getting kinda boring. I feel like the topics should be deeper, maybe riskier, or possibly have more secretive answers. For instance, this week's topic is "Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted." Really? Don't we all have a friend that we used to be really close to and now we don't talk much? Isn't that what happened to all of our high school friends? I do have one friend in particular that I was thinking of, and I see him every once in a while, but for me, my relationships with my male friends changed dramatically when I met my husband. Maybe that's a bad thing, but his relationships completely disappeared with his female friends so it seems normal to me. And while I miss this friend from time to time, our lifestyles just to fit together anymore, so it's probably for the best.

But wouldn't this topic have been more interesting if was about, say, a friend that you hooked up with but probably shouldn't have and it ruined your friendship and all of your other friends hated you for it? It's been a long-ass time since such a thing has happened, but I'm sure I could've dug up a good story for that one!

30 Days of Truth: Here's To You, Jackass!

This week's 30 Days of Truth topic is "Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit". I had someone else planned for this topic, but lucky for her somebody seriously screwed with me this weekend so she is off the list. This award goes to the complete asshole who broke into our car this weekend and cleaned us out.

We were visiting a friend who lives nearby. I hadn't planned on staying long, but we ended up being there for a couple of hours, as usual. We walked outside at about 8:15, just in time to get the boys home and in bed. As I was unlocking the door, I noticed that the passenger window was missing, and I'm pretty sure it was there when we drove over. I was confused, and then it hit me; some jackass had smashed the window. It didn't seem like a lot was missing at first because the satellite radio was still there in plain sight, as it turns out, that's about the only thing they left. They took my purse. MY PURSE! I feel so violated. They got the small bit of cash that I happened to have, I had to cancel all of my credit cards, and we have to put a fraud alert on all 4 of our SSNs because we are pretty sure the papers they stole from the car had that info. They took everything we had in there. I no longer have the video of the Little Guys 1st birthday, and I can't get that back. They even stole a piece of paper from Bug's school, that had absolutely no information on it. Why the hell did they need that? Oh, and they got every last bit of my makeup because it was in my purse. So I'm living make-up free until our accounts are unfrozen and I can go buy more. You know what else I have to buy? Baby shoes, because this stupid fucker was so self-righteous that he stole shoes from a 1-year-old. What is wrong with people? I work my ass off every day. I work full-time and I'm a full-time student, not to mention my other full-time jobs as mother and wife, and some degenerate can just walk by MY car that I paid for, break MY window that I now have to replace, and steal MY things that I earned? How is that fair? How do these things keep happening? Oh, I know, because cops like the one we called say, "Well, sucks to be you" and drive off without taking any information. Criminals get away with this kind of shit, so why would they stop?

Bug was so scared, and I know I only exasperated that by losing my shit getting upset. He wouldn't leave my side for the rest of the night. We had to take a cab home, and I hope I never have to put my kids in a stinky, dirty cab ever again. They are fine for me when I'm wasted, but it didn't help Bug that he had to be out of his comfort zone. I could pummel that piece of shit in the face for scaring my child like that. I don't know who I am more angry with, the selfish bastard who I hope cut his hand open at the very least, the jackass cop who doesn't care about the people who pay his salary, or us, because we decided to live in the stupid city. I've wanted to move away for a while now; this might've just sealed the deal.

I Live For Them

Today's 30 Days of Truths topic is "Someone who has made your life worth living for". The thing about these topics is that after a while you can anticipate what the answers will be. It is no secret that I am a mom, and what mom doesn't think that her kids are the reason she wakes up every day? I never knew how incredible life was until I created it. I look at my children's faces every day and think, "I don't want to live a single day without you". My kids drive me to live too. I want to provide for them, and I want them to enjoy their lives. I'm not just standing here, pressing forward each day because of them. I am living my life to its fullest because of them. I want to show them that it is ok to really live your life and enjoy every minute of it. And someday they will pass that along to their kids. Someday when they are holding their 1st born child they realize how much I love them and how they made my life worth living for.

I'm Back (for now) and 30 Days of Truth

I took a little unplanned hiatus from blogging, thanks in large part to being back in school and having a demanding job/family/life. So I missed a couple of my weekly posts. I am hoping to get back into the swing of things, but really, I make no guarantees.T here are a few new memes out there in the blogging world that I am really going to try and play along with this week. So hopefully that will satisfy your cravings for rational craziness. I will give you this now though; it is the 5th topic for the 30 Days of Truth that is actually going to take me several months to finish. This week's topic is "Something you hope you never have to do."

I immediately thought of horrible and sad things that I hope I never have to do, and I'm sure that I am not being original when I say that I hope I never have to bury a child. Just typing that makes me want to throw up.

I don't like sad and horrible, so I am also going to say that I hope I never have to fight off a grizzly bear. They are big and mean, and I might break a nail. And that shit is a pain in the ass to fix.

Life Cannot Survive on Hope Alone

The topic for today's "30 Days of Truth" is "something you hope to do in your life". Here's the thing; If I want to do something during my lifetime, hoping isn't going to get me there. I hope I win the lottery, I hope my family stays healthy, I hope the world doesn't end it 2012, I hope I win the lottery (I really really really hope I win the lottery!). These are things that are out of my control. I can buy lottery tickets, and can keep my children as healthy as I can, but I can't guarantee the winning numbers and I can't guarantee that my children will not get sick with some incurable disease. As much as I may think the hooplah is ridiculous, I can't guarantee that the world will not end in 2012.

What I can do is make things happen. I want to be a Human Resource Manager for a huge corporate company some day. I'm not going to hope I get my foot in the door and hope that someone sees my potential. No, I'm going to finish my goddamn degree that seems to be taking forever and I am going to get my foot in the door. I will make sure that people see my potential and I will be a Human Resource Manager for a huge corporate company. If I can't win the lottery, I might as well make a bunch of money the old fashioned way by sleeping my way to the top working my ass off. When I get that job making a decent amount of money I am going to buy myself a brand new car that I want. I'm going to buy myself the Burberry bag I have my eye on. I'm going to take my family on kick-ass vacations. I'm going to do what everyone else is sitting around hoping they get to do some day.

I'm not wasting time hoping that things go my way. Hope is for things out of my control, and for things I am unsure of. I am sure I have potential and I am sure I have drive. I am sure I will be successful. I hope I win the lottery.

Forgiving is Easier Said Than Done

Day 4 of 30 Days of Truth is "Something you have to forgive someone for". Last week I bragged explained that I forgive myself easily and don't dwell on my mistakes. Unfortunately forgiving others doesn't come so easily. I'm not talking about little things, like when Charming Husband ignores me and invites his friends over for drinks anyway. I will forgive him for that (just not this morning. Maybe later today...). When people mess up big time, and I mean like seriously fuck my life up, I don't tend to forgive them for a long time, if ever. I choose to write those people off as worthless to me, as people whose well-being I am no longer concerned with. One such person is my previous boss. I know several people who will read this know her, so I'll understand if you quit reading now (which might be a good idea). And I am not naming her, because this isn't about her so much as it is about me.

I was 8 weeks pregnant. I sat in her office and gushed about how happy I was. She gushed about how excited she was for me, and about how great the company had been for her during and after her recent pregnancy. We laughed about how awful our HR department was and how she couldn't wait for me to take it over some day. She was impressed with my plan for being able to afford maternity leave. For over an hour we giggled with excitement, teared up with happiness, and brainstormed about the future. I knew she was on my side and happy for me. 4 days later, she pulled me into the office of the COO (who is a cocksucker by the way, but that's a different issue in and of itself) and fucking fired me. She used the lame excuse that some worthless sales person refused to work with me, and I knew about it but refused to change. 10 months earlier I had gotten written up because I caused a problem with this particular sales person and he got his panties twisted so I got in trouble. I changed, I put on my "I'm so happy to be here and you are always right" face and sucked it up. 1 month before I was fired, I was given a raise and told that there had been no complaints about me, even from that sales person. But somehow, 4 days after I told my boss I was pregnant, those problems resurfaced. I was furious. I have never been so angry in my life. The things I considered unleashing on that company and those people make me sick to think about now. The amount of stress that situation caused me could have cost my child his life. It did cause serious complications in my pregnancy, and had something gone terribly wrong I would have immediately placed the blame on the 2 people in that office that day. Thankfully my son is healthy, so redemption is no longer something I dream about. I don't think about those people unless someone else brings it up, and when that happens I immediately switch my brain off. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to have this much hate. I don't want the stress to come back.

I should forgive her. When I worked for her I liked her most of the time, so I should forgive her and move on. But why should I offer forgiveness to someone who has never asked for it? She doesn't care that she caused my family so much heartache that we almost couldn't bounce back, so why should I give her the respect of forgiveness? Maybe when more time passes I will forgive because I have forgotten, but today is not that day. I feel so betrayed. Betrayed by someone I thought cared about me and my family. But mostly betrayed by intuition. I usually know what people I can trust and which ones I need to be careful of. I thought I could trust her, and I couldn't, so now I have lost faith in my ability to read people. Betrayal is not so easy to forgive for, but hopefully someday I am capable of that.

*This post has been edited to add this: Charming Husband is taking me out for lunch and ice cream, all is forgiven there.

Forgive Me

Today is my 3rd day of 30 Days of Truth, and the topic is "Something you have to forgive yourself for". I've tried really hard for the last week to come up with something that I needed to forgive myself for, and quite frankly, I'm stumped. It's not that I don't do anything wrong, because I do (unless Charming Husband is reading this, in which case I never do anything wrong), I'm just not a dweller. I don't sit around thinking about my mistakes and regretting what I have and have not done. I told myself a long time ago that I wasn't going to live my life regretting it and I've stuck to that. When I make mistakes, I forgive myself and move on. Not instantly, of course, but not years later either. It just so happens that right now I found myself in between times in which I need to forgive myself, so unfortunately I don't have any juicy secrets to share here. If I come up with one though, I will revisit Day 3 of 30 Days of Truth and give you all the dirty details.

Things I Love...About Me

Last Tuesday I starting the 30 Days of Truth, um, thing, and I had to tell you about the things I hate about myself. You can read that post here. Today I get to tell you something I love about myself. Don't worry, I've narrowed it down to just a few things, or else we would be here all damn day!

I really do love me. Other than some pretty normal insecurities, I'm confident in who I am and don't plan on changing anytime soon. Although some people may not like my snarky attitude and foul mouth, they are part of what makes me stand apart from those around me so I love those characteristics. I'm also incredible emotional, which is a good and bad thing. I sometimes cry in really awkward moments when I really have no reason to be crying, and I could do without that, but in general I love that the world hasn't hardened me. I'm not afraid to shed tears and show myself, even if I feel a little embarrassed.

I also love my dimples. I wouldn't trade them for anything!

Please come back next Tuesday, the topic is "Something you have to forgive yourself for".

30 Days of Truth

So a lot of the bloggers that I follow have taken on this challenge, and I like it, so I think I'm going to do it. Plus, I get to talk about myself and what blogger doesn't love that? I mean, we are bloggers for a reason, yes? Angel Believes is where I found the list. So once a week I am going to post based on this list, so please come back every Tuesday to see the topic and my brilliant response. Today's topic is this: Something you hate about yourself. So here goes nothin'.

I'm not really a self-hater. I'm obnoxiously confident and happy with myself. That said, there are somethings that I don't love about myself. Physically, my tummy has seen better days. The pre-baby, pre-c-section, pre-too-much-beer-drinkin' days. If I could change anything about my body, I'd get that kickass 6-pack back (abs, not beer. maybe). Of course, this would be attainable if I could get my ass to the gym, but it's like, a whole mile away from my house so you can't really expect me to go there! And it smells like boy sweat.

As far as non-physical traits go, there are things that I didn't really know I didn't love until recently. I am not a very clean person, I never have been. But now as an adult, I wish I was the kind of person who could stay on top of the chores so that I didn't have to spend entire weekends making up for my week-long laziness. I am also painfully forgetful. I leave the house every morning without at least one thing that I really needed to remember. This morning it was diapers for the babysitter. And I just love having to run to the store on my lunch break to pick stuff up because I don't have time to go all the way home. Charming Husband is a BIG fan of this habit of mine. I can't tell you how many times he has said, "I'm so glad you didn't remember to pick up my dry cleaning today! I love having to wait outside at 7:00am until they open and then change into my work clothes in the car!". He is such a lucky man.

So I guess that's what I "don't love" about myself. Come back next Tuesday when I get to talk about what I love about myself. I wonder if Blogger puts a word limit on posts...